Not Just a Kiss
by herb-walsh
Summary: A Rizzles fan fiction in which Maura and Jane realize their feelings for each other. :) Basically what I wish would happen in the show. Probably going to be a multi-chap. Please review! Thanks!
1. Wish We Could Be More

Jane's POV

I lean back in my chair and take a deep breath. Our unit just cracked a really tough case and I couldn't feel more relieved. I have not slept in two days, but it was worth it to bring that bastard to justice. My eyes flutter closed and I enjoy the peacefulness, pushing the darkness out of my head I relax and start to doze off. " Sleeping on the job? Real professional Jane," Frankie says as he walks loudly into the room. I groan and stand up to gather my stuff. " Could you be anymore obnoxious?" I ask my brother, and when I turn around I see him eating the last donut and spilling the jelly filling all over the floor. "I guess not.." I sigh as I walk out of the door and head down to the morgue to say good bye to Maura before I head home.

I walk into the morgue to see Maura zipping up a body bag around a dead body. I silently thank the corpse for giving us the clues we needed to crack this case. To bring justice to her and her family.

Maura notices I'm behind her, " Hey! About to go home to get some rest?" She asks. "Yeah, in little while. I wanted to talk to you first," I reply. " Sleep deprivation is very unhealthy, it can lead to many diseases such a-" I cut Maura off before she can finish her medical rant, " I know, I know Maura," I say, " I just wanted to see you before I left, but I can go if you want me to." "No! I want to spend time with you too," she says with a smile. I smile back at her and we enjoy a few seconds of eye contact.

Her eyes are beautiful, bright, they have a sparkle. A sparkle of happiness and liveliness. After all the damaged people I see everyday, all the people with no hope or will to go on, seeing fire in someone's eyes like I see in Maura's is breathtaking. She is breathtaking. Her beautiful dirty blonde hair is pulled up in a bun with just a couple strands hanging down that frame her features beautifully. She has a light pink shade of lipstick on her lips that are parted in a beautiful smile. " Are you alright Jane?" Maura asks. I snap out of my trance, " Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired." I laugh nervously, hoping that she didn't notice me admiring her.

* * *

I follow Maura back to her office and I can't help but notice how her skirt hugs her in just the right places, and how her hair bounces when she walks, is there anything about this woman that isn't perfect?

I sit down on one of her very uncomfortable chairs and look at her many, many books lining the shelves. This is my pitiful attempt not to stare at her perfection. We're just friends and nothing more, I don't want to mess that up. Plus, I don't even know why I am so attracted to her. I have never been attracted to a woman before now, and I have always viewed myself as straight, but now I'm not so sure. Maura makes me question everything. She challenges me and makes me a better person, I can't imagine my life without her.

I give up looking at her book collection, and take a quick glance in her direction. What I see when I turn my head is Maura standing behind her desk in just her little black bra and panties. "Maura! You're naked! What are you doing?" I say in shock, "I have to change, I got a little tea on my skirt and it left a stain," she explains. " Oh God forbid! Damn it Maura, put some clothes on," I say in fake disgust. She rolls her eyes and continues to take her own sweet time getting dressed. I turn away but the image of so much of her beautiful flesh exposed is burned into my mind. My heart pounds against my chest and I wish I could just go over and kiss her, touch her, be with her.

"Are you dressed yet?" I ask, "Yes, you want to go get a drink?" "Sure," I reply. She smiles and hooks her arm around mine, and we walk down the hallway towards the exit.

* * *

Maura orders a red wine, and like always, I order a beer. She swirls the red liquor round and round in her glass, she brings it to her lips and takes a sip. When she puts her glass down she licks the remaining liquid off of her lips. I take a shuddering breath and imagine those sweet pink lips on mine. Honestly, how long am I going to be able to hide my feelings for her? This is getting to be to much.

We sit in silence for awhile and drink our drinks. That is just one thing I love about Maura and I's relationship. We can just sit in total silence and it isn't awkward. We are totally and completely comfortable with each other. She knows me better than anyone, but I don't know if she knows this. I am generally a pretty guarded person, but with Maura I just want to pour my heart out. I want her to know everything about me, and I want to know everything about her. There is no one in the world that I rather be with. Sadness comes over me as I remember that I will never be able to be with Maura. My dream will never be realized.

"Can I ask you a favor?" Maura asks. " Sure," I reply, " Will you come with me to a party tomorrow night? My mother's friend is hosting it and my mother really wants me to go, considering it is her last night in town. I really don't want to go alone. Will you be my date, Jane?" She says the last part jokingly. Maura winks at me and does the sexy little smirk that she does so well. "Fine, I'll come with you," I say with a laugh. " Oh, thank you! Thank you!" She exclaims as she wraps her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek. I smile and try to hide my flushed cheeks. "Wear something hot. See you at seven," Maura says as she walks confidently towards the door. " Wait.. I don't have to wear a dress, right? Maura!" I yell at her as she leaves. She doesn't even turn around, just gives a wave of dismissal over her shoulder. Oh, what have I gotten myself into this time?


	2. You Make Me Lose Control

Maura's POV

I step out of my prius, and walk towards Jane's apartment building. I usually don't get nervous, but tonight I am. Jane makes my world spin and I feel like a babbling fool around her, it's like high school all over again. I walk up the stairs and upon reaching Jane's door, I take a minute to compose myself. Smoothing the wrinkles out of my dress with my hands and taking one last glance at my makeup in my compact mirror, I decide it's time to let it go and just have fun.

I take a deep breath and knock on the hard wooden door. " Come in, it's open!" Jane yells from within the walls. I open the door and walk in, " Jane, you shouldn't leave your door unlocked. You're a homicide detective. You should know the hazards of doing that more than anyone," I warn. " Yeah I know I'm sorry. I was just in a rush to get ready," she explains.

Her voice is coming from her bedroom and I walk in that direction. When I enter her room I see her struggling to put her heels on. Jane is laying on the bed with her feet up in the air, attempting to squeeze the slender shoe onto her foot. I can't help myself, I start laughing. "It won't fit and I don't know what to do!" She exclaims in exasperation, before bursting out laughing herself.

It takes a little while for me to gather myself, but once I do I slip my shoes off and lay them on the bed. "What are you doing?" Jane asks. "Borrow mine, we are the same size. I always keep a spare pair in my car," I say. She looks at me with a smirk, "You are so weird," she laughs, "but in a very good way." She slips my shoes on and stands up. "How do I look?" She asks as she puts on an incredibly fake sexy face. "Perfect," I say as I beam at her.

She looks more than perfect. She looks like Jane, and Jane is beyond perfect. Her black hair cascades down her shoulders and meets her snug black dress that dips down just enough on her chest. Not enough to be inappropriate, but enough to be sexy. Jane's beautiful tan legs seem to go on for miles, the smooth skin demands to be touched. If only I could. She even has some makeup on. A touch of lipstick and mascara, not that she needs it. Jane is the most incredible human to ever step foot in my life, I couldn't dream up a more beautiful woman. She drives me absolutely wild.

"Maura will you put my necklace on for me?" She asks. I take the silver chain and pendent from her hands and stand behind her. She sweeps her hair off to the side to expose her neck. I drape the necklace around her throat, and as I fasten it I get a whiff of her sweet skin. She smells heavenly, I could breathe her in forever. Without realizing it, my fingers start to run down the back of her neck. I feel her breathing hitch and I quickly step back. "Sorry.." I say. " Don't be," she says, " ready to go?" I see the rose color that Jane's cheeks have turned, and I am humiliated at what I have just done. "Yes, ready to go," I say as I try to forget about the awkward incident. Jane gestures to me to walk out of the door first, she smiles at me as we walk down the apartment complex hallway, reassuring me that I didn't ruin our friendship. I take a deep breath and will myself to hold it together. Being with this woman makes me feel at a total loss of control. I am Dr. Maura Isles. I can't lose control.

* * *

Jane and I step into the ballroom and are hit with the scent of floral perfume and liquor. I glance at Jane and she leans down to whisper in my ear, "What is this even?" I bring my index finger to my mouth to caution her to be quiet. A waiter walks by and hands us glasses of champagne. I take a sip of the sweet drink and when I look over at Jane. She has already finished her whole glass. "Is that all we get?" She asks, I giggle and shake my head. "Let's go get some hors d'oeuvres," "Can you just say appetizers?" Jane looks down at me with a challenging look in her eye. We are just talking about food, but we might as well be talking about what dirty things we could do to each other. Our eyes stay locked in this flirtatious gaze until my mother interrupts us, " So glad you ladies could make it! Eat, drink, dance, and have fun!" She says before she bounds off to talk to some of the many rich women decked out in jewels and pearls.

"You heard your mother, let's dance," Jane says as she extends her hand towards me. I smile at her and take her hand. She leads me onto the dance floor and before I can question how we should dance, she pulls me closer and settles one arm around my shoulder. I do the same. We sway to the slow song that is playing. I can imagine the looks that we are getting right now. Two women dancing together like lovers. When all we are is friends. I feel a little sad as I remember that that is really all that we are, friends. Inside it feels like we are so much more.

As Jane and I move in synch, we gradually draw closer. I can feel her breath on my face, it is warm and sweet. Her beautiful brown eyes glint in the light from the overhanging chandeliers. I move my hand so that it is on the nape of her neck. She doesn't protest, so I continue to gently massage her neck with my finger tips. I love being close to her. I never feel safer, happier, than when I am close to Jane. I move in closer and lay my head on her shoulder, she moves her arm and wraps it around my back to hold me to her. There is not much of us that isn't touching now. Our torsos are pressed together, and we seem to be trying to get as close as physically possible. Everyone around us seems to fade away. It's just Jane and I, enjoying our moment of bliss. I feel her lay her cheek down lovingly on my head as we continue to dance. I take a deep breath and take in her scent. I could stay like this for the rest of my life. In fact, I wish I could. I never imagined that I would fall in love with a woman, but at this moment, as I am held in her loving arms, I am sure that I have.

* * *

I walk Jane up to her apartment door, she is about to walk in when she turns around to face me. "Thank you for taking me with you tonight, Maura. I didn't think I would enjoy it but I did," she says as she smiles her perfect smile. " Anytime. I had a wonderful evening," I say as I try to hold my emotions in. They are begging to be spilled, but I can't let that happen. I am not going to ruin our friendship. It's to precious to lose, I can't lose another person in my life.

Just when I think Jane is going to go inside, she surprises me and wraps me in a hug. I pull her close and we enjoy each other's presence. Jane puts her hand on my neck and moves her hand slowly down my back. She pulls away and gives my arm a squeeze. In her eyes, I can see that she feels what I have been feeling too. She feels that we are more than friends, even if we don't know what more is. I make my way down her apartment complex's stairs, more confused than I ever have been. What if we could be more?


	3. Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 3

Jane's POV

I slip a tray with a frozen pizza on it into the oven, setting the temperature to 350 degrees. This is my version of a nice meal. As the pizza cooks, I head into the bathroom to get ready. Maura is coming over tonight for a dinner and movie night. We have these all the time, but for some reason tonight feels different, there is something there and I can't quite put my finger on it. It's been three days since she took me to the party, and all I have been able to think about since then is our dance. Her body pressed up against mine, my head resting on hers. Happiness, I can't stop thinking about the happiness that being with her like that made me feel. Nothing has felt that right in a long time.

I brush my hair and put it up into a pony tail. I look at myself in the mirror for a minute, before taking my hair down again in frustration. Ugh, i'll never look good enough. I slip on some skinny jeans that I rarely wear, and a white button down shirt that I tuck into the tight denim. I spend fifteen minutes nit-picking my outfit. Buttoning and re-buttoning buttons in attempt to decide how much cleavage to show. Damn it Jane, this isn't a date, calm your pants.I take a deep breath and remind myself that tonight is just two friends hanging out, that's all. No need for me to dress for the queen of England. I reluctantly settle for the appearance that faces me in the mirror, and I walk back into the kitchen to check on the pizza.

The doorbell rings and my heart jumps in my chest. My breathing comes faster as a mixture of nervousness and excitement. I just can't wait to see her. Before opening the door I take a second to breathe and remind myself of our friendship status, just friends. I open the door revealing Maura dressed in a beautiful hot pink dress. "Hello, Jane," she says with a sparkling smile. Just hearing her say something as simple as that makes me glow with happiness. "Hey, pizza is in the oven and you get to pick the movie," I say as I gesture for her to come inside. She walks in handing me a bottle of wine, "It's my favorite," she says with a coy smile. "Uh, I think I'll just have beer," I say with a chuckle. Maura is so different than me, the opposite really. Maybe that's why she feels like my other half. She brings out the part of me that I have always wished to have, she makes me a better person.

Maura sits down at the breakfast bar and pops the cork of her wine, pouring it into a wine glass that I had set out for her. I grab a beer from the fridge and come by to sit next to her. She is flipping through a magazine that I left on my counter. "Why are you reading that, Maur? It's just a bunch of pictures of boringly decorated houses," I say with a snort. She looks at me and smiles, "I happen to like how these houses are decorated. They follow the proper feng shui principals. See how the living room furniture is arranged? It allows for better flow of positive energy." I smile at her and laugh softly, "Does it now?" I say mockingly. She looks up at me and laughs, "Jane, can you honestly say anything not sarcastic?" "I don't know, can I?" I say in a over-dramatic tone. She slaps my arm playfully as I get up to check on the pizza. In some ways it already feels like Maura and I are a couple. We bicker and tease and are genuinely comfortable with each other. I am closer to Maura than I ever have been with any other person in my life. She is always there for me and knows everything about me, except for my feelings for her of course. That part of my thoughts is not to be shared with her unless I am totally certain she feels the same way. After that party, I am not totally sure that she sees me as just a friend anymore. Things might be changing.

* * *

After we have finished our pizza we settle down on the couch to watch our movie. It's a large couch with plenty of room, but we both choose to sit as close to each other as possible. Surprisingly, this isn't awkward. Being close to Maura doesn't feel strange or foreign, it feels right. Like it's what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life.

Maura picks out a boring romance movie that I can only barely sit through because I am with her. About halfway through I can't take it anymore, I grab the remote from her perfectly manicured hand and push pause. "Do you seriously like this movie? Do you realize how fake this is?" I say with a laugh. She giggles and grabs the remote from my hand just to push the power button, "No, I don't like it at all, and yes I realize how fake it is to fall in love with your first boyfriend that you started dating when you were thirteen. At that point in adolescence your brain isn't fully developed yet and therefore it's unlikely that one would know what they want in a life partner," she says in all seriousness as she sets the remote down on the coffee table and trades it for her glass of wine. I laugh a little and look at the ground, drawing patterns on my leg, "Hell, falling in love with any man is fake to me." Maura looks at me with concern, "Things aren't going well with Casey?" She asks. "Not at all, he's here one minute and than gone the next. I can't count on him for anything," I say with a sad smile, finally looking back up at her. "Well every man I date turns out to be a murderer or a serial killer it seems," Maura says with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. I laugh quietly, "Yeah at least I have managed to steer clear of that, huh?" Maura laughs and looks away from me, "You know...we may be better off being lesbians," she says with a teasing smile. I laugh loudly and try to hide the hope that little comment just gave me, "You know, we might should try that, being straight obviously isn't doing anything for us," I say with a snort. We laugh the words just exchanged away and Maura reaches for the remote again, flipping it on again, this time to the 11 o'clock news.

We sit in silence for awhile. The only thing going through my mind is the thought of how I wish the conversation we just had wasn't just that, a conversation. I wish it were a real proposition, an opportunity. A wave of sadness washes over me as the little ounce of hope leaves my mind. Maura watches the news intently, sipping her wine with that perfect little mouth of hers. I try not to watch her drink the liquid and I turn my attention back to the news story. Back to reality Jane, back to reality.

* * *

The new's anchor drawls on and on which eventually starts to lull me to sleep. All of a sudden, I am snapped out of my dozing by Maura's voice, "You know what, we should try it! What's stopping us?" Maura says passionately. "Wait, what Maura? I'm lost," I say in confusion as I scoot my body out of a slouch and back into a sitting position. "Why don't we try it, Jane?" Maura says with excitement and a strange kind of determination in her eyes. "What are you talking about?" I say with a flustered laugh. Instead of answering me, Maura swings one of her legs over my lap so that she is straddling me. I look at her in astonishment, is this really happening? Is this a dream? I don't have a chance to untangle my thoughts because before I can do anything her lips are pressed against mine heatedly.

I am frozen for a moment, in complete and utter shock. Slowly, I start to almost melt into her. I close my eyes and start to move my mouth against hers, I wrap my arms around her back and pull her body closer to me. After becoming accustomed to each other's embrace, her sweet tongue swipes against my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I allow her in immediately, enjoying the deepened kiss. I can't believe this is happening. After all this time, after all our time together and me wanting her for so long, it's happening now.

Her breathing starts to become ragged as I move my hands up her thighs, pushing her pink dress up higher on her hips. She takes her hand and grabs a handful of my hair, pulling me even closer to her. I slip my tongue into her mouth, and take my time exploring every bit of it. Eventually, Maura pulls away and just looks at me. Her eyes pierce mine and she doesn't have to say anything, it's as clear as day now that she feels what I feel too. We both feel it.

After a stunned pause from both of us, she dismounts from my lap and pulls her skirt down. "Um, I'm going to go," she says with an embarrassed laugh. "Okay," I say almost in a whisper, still frozen in my bliss of what just happened. I stand up and run my hand through my now messy hair, "I'll, uh, lock the door behind you," I say nervously. She doesn't make eye contact as she hurriedly grabs her purse and walks to the door. I hold it open for her as she walks out in silence, she turns around once she clears the door frame, "Goodnight Jane, thank you," She says quickly before looking at the floor and clearing her throat. I have never seen Maura like this, she is sheepish, embarrassed even. "Yeah, goodnight Maura," I say as I smooth out my shirt. She nods and turns to leave, quickly disappearing out of sight as she turns the corner of the hallway.

I close my door and lock it slowly. I walk back into my living room in a trance, sitting down on the couch. What just happened there? I lean back and put my hands on my head. I can't believe that just happened. I have been dreaming of that happening for ages now, and it just did. It's unreal. My lips are still warm from her kiss, and I lick them, tasting her sweet taste on them. I place a hand over my mouth and curl up into a ball on the couch. Still in a state of shock. Where do we go from here?

* * *

**AN: Sorry it took me so long to upload this chapter! Hopefully it won't take me as long to post the fourth. :) Please R&R and I hope you enjoyed it! **


	4. Nothing But

Chapter 4

Maura's POV

I lie on my bed and look up at the ceiling. I have been in the same position for probably an hour now, I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go to work after last night. I'm too confused. Last night, at Jane's apartment, I lost control. I kissed Jane and risked ruining our friendship. After promising myself that I would keep my feelings to myself, I go and do that. I always maintain control and I always know what is fact and fiction, but right now I don't seem to even know which way is up. I know that I love Jane, that I am in love with her. Even though I haven't had very many friends in my life, I know that this is not how friends are supposed to feel about each other. I just want to be near her, hold her, touch her, kiss her. That's all. I have never felt this way about a man, never felt this degree of longing. I need her and I have never needed someone so much before.

Eventually I find the motivation to get up and take a shower. The warm water pours over my body and I close my eyes, trying to let it wash away my worries. Even though I am pretty sure that Jane feels like we are more than friends as well, I don't know exactly how she feels. The last thing I want to do is ruin the amazing thing that we have already, but there is a big part of me that wants to take the leap and take a chance to possibly be with the love of my life. Is she that? The love of my life? I have never thought about that before, finding one person to spend your entire life with. I am a realistic person, and something like finding true love, has never seemed obtainable until now. Now it feels like it's staring me in the face, daring me to reach for it.

After I step out of the shower and slip on my robe, I wipe the steam off of the mirror, taking a look at my reflection. I stare into my own gaze and try to search my mind for the answer to the question that has been haunting me. Do I risk everything and tell her exactly how I feel? I take a shuddering breath and try to gather the confidence I need to convince myself to do this, to do something that may ruin my life or make it so much better.

I see death every day, I see innocent people that have had their life stolen away from them. Many of those people had unresolved issues with the ones they loved and cared about. I don't want to be one of those people. When I die, I want to know that I lived my life to the fullest and didn't not do something because of fear. Even if it means giving up my control, even if it means throwing my heart to the wind. In this moment, I decide that today is the day. Today is the day that I will tell Jane Rizzoli that I love her. That I am in love with her.

* * *

Once at work, I sit down and start working on paper work, trying to distract myself from the thing that I am going to do today. Even with the nervousness coursing through my body, there is excitement there also. Jane's reaction to the kiss last night, was far from appalled. She excepted it, embraced it, she enhanced the intensity even. I remind myself of this, but even with this knowledge the anxiety continues to rack my body.

Jane makes me feel so many things that I am not used to feeling. I am not used to feeling this anxious, especially not this anxious to say how I feel. I'm a pretty open book, I basically say anything that's on my mind which gets me into trouble sometimes but I have always appreciated my ability to be open. Now though, now every part of me is being questioned. Jane has helped me realize more things about myself. She has helped me realize that even if I am pretty confident, I have a fear of being loved and loving someone. It's something so foreign to me that I have a hard time accepting it, and until now I haven't realized exactly what love is. Jane, Jane is what love is.

* * *

I turn my chair around at my desk to glance at the clock on the wall behind me. Jane should be going on break soon, which means the moment that I have been looking forward to and dreading all day will probably be happening in about fifteen minutes. I grab my purse and start walking swiftly to the bathroom. I step up to the bathroom mirror as soon as I walk into the room. It's a small, dark room. It smells musty and has a rather cold feel. I usually refrain from using this bathroom but it is the closest one to my office and I need to hurry if I am going to get back soon enough to see Jane. To tell Jane.

I smooth some light pink lipstick on to my lips, rubbing them together to blend it in. I spritz some perfume on the back of my neck and on my wrists before combing my hair a little with my fingers. After I am satisfied with my appearance I smile at myself in the mirror. This is it, this is the day that my life will change for better or worse. Hopefully better. I'm ready and I convince myself that I'm not going to skate around my feelings anymore.

I take a deep breath and smooth my dress out, I take one last glance in the mirror before turning to the door to leave. Just as I am reaching for the door knob, Jane bursts in the door sending me stumbling backwards. A shocked expression spreads across her face and she quickly reaches out to grab my arm and prevent me from falling. Once I am steadied on my feet again, I smile at her reassuringly. Her hand doesn't release it's grip on my arm and butterflies dance in my stomach at the feeling of her strong and beautiful hands touching me. I make no effort to move away from her touch. Only after a few moments of eye contact does she release me. She maintains eye contac and chuckles, "Sorry about that," she mutters. "I'm fine, Jane. Thank you for catching me," I say with a nervous laugh. She smiles again and leaves my gaze to look at the floor for a moment, running her hand through her black curls. Do it, Maura, tell her now. I swallow the lump in my throat and start to open my mouth to tell her how I feel. Now or never, I can't waste another moment. Before I can speak, she looks back up at me and laughs nervously, "So about last night..." she says, inhaling deeply. "Yes, about last night..." I mutter, but before I can continue, Jane cuts me off, "We were both a little tipsy last night and we were feeling emotional about our guy troubles and I think the kiss...We were just messing around. It was just a kiss, nothing more. So I say we forget that it ever happened and move on." She takes a deep breath and smiles, "What do you think?"

All my excitement, nervousness, everything, comes crashing down on me only to be replaced by complete and utter disappointment. The smile previously on my lips vanishes for a moment. I quickly pull it together and plaster a fake smile on my face, and I meet Jane's waiting gaze. "Yeah, I agree. It was just a kiss, let's forget about it," I say with a laugh, looking down to the floor, trying to hide the tears starting to cloud my eyes. " Good," Jane says with a sigh, and I look back up at her to see her smiling sadly at me. "Well, I'm going to go. I have an urgent case today so maybe we can eat lunch together tomorrow instead of today?" She asks hopefully. "Yeah...Tomorrow sounds good," I say as I turn away and walk back to the sink. "Okay, goodbye Maura," Jane hesitates by the door. I can tell she doesn't want to leave, but she pulls herself away and quickly walks out without looking back.

* * *

As soon as the bathroom door swings shut my body is racked with uncontrollable sobs. I lean over the sink and let the tears fall into it. I can't catch my breath and my body seems to not be under my control. All that hope, all the feelings I have for her, they are all a waste. Even if Jane feels like we are more than a friends, she doesn't want us to be more than that, more than friends. It was just a kiss to her. Nothing but a kiss.

* * *

_**AN: Thank you to everyone for all the positive feedback! :) Again, I will try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Please let me know what you think and R&R! Thanks for reading.**_


	5. Darkness Surrounds

Jane's POV

Unlocking my apartment door, I walk in and throw my coat onto the couch like usual. A sigh escapes me as I head into the kitchen to make myself a quick sandwich. I routinely make my boring ham and swiss and sit down on the sofa. Trying to forget about what went on between Maura and I today, I flip on the TV. The news shows up on the screen, the same anchor as two nights ago, the night that Maura kissed me. Tears start pricking at my eyes and threaten to spill over. Slamming my plate with the uneaten sandwich on it down on the coffee table, I quickly storm out of the room to retreat to my bedroom.

I run from the room, from the spot that my hopes were realized. Now, that room just reminds me of fear, of me being a coward. I lied to Maura, which is something I never ever wanted to do. I lied to her and told her that I thought of what happened as just a kiss, when it was really so much more. That kiss was special, it was right, it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I just threw that away because I'm afraid. I am afraid to lose what we already have, afraid to embark on uncharted territory, and most of all afraid to become vulnerable. Knowing what can happen when one becomes vulnerable has always made me want to avoid it at all costs, but with Maura, I want nothing more than to let myself open up to her. Let her see me, all of me, the good the bad and the ugly. I want her to so badly, but it terrifies me at the same time. I like being strong, tough, Jane. Opening myself up to someone else totally and completely never seemed like an option to me, until now.

All this doesn't matter though, because I let it go. I let it slip because of fear. The act of being so brave, is such bull shit. We had a chance, there was hope. She showed interest, but I ran, I shot down the opportunity I have been waiting for since I met that miraculous woman. I did this, caused this pain, ruined this.

Not bothering to take my clothes off, I climb into bed and lean over to switch the light off. The tears that were threatening to spill over earlier, now do, and I am soon consumed by sobs and gasps as my pain starts to take my breath away. I see nothing. Everything around me is dark, just like my thoughts. There is nothing to see anymore. Everything has been consumed by darkness, by the fear, by the doubt. This is all my fault, this darkness I feel is caused by me. Only I stand in my way of happiness. I am my biggest enemy.

* * *

I wake up as light starts to stream through the blinds I forgot to close last night. Moaning, I roll over on my stomach and burry my head in the pillow. My face is sticky from dried tears and even though my feeling of emptiness has not subsided, the tears refuse to come. I'm all dried up now.

Dragging myself out of bed, I walk into the bathroom and reluctantly look at my puffy face in the mirror. There is no way that Korsak and Frost will ignore my appearance, and with my dull mood added on top of it, I will be pestered all day with questions. Sighing deeply, I turn on the water and lower my face to the sink. Closing my eyes, I splash the icy cold water onto my face, causing my breath to leave my body momentarily and my face to sting. The discomfort is welcomed. At least I can feel something.I just want to feel something other than sadness.

Falling into autopilot, I slowly get dressed and head into the kitchen, soon realizing I don't have any appetite. This is hurting more than I thought it would. After all, I did this. Sadly, even though it was my doing doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Laying down on the sofa slowly, and covering my eyes with my arm, I attempt to block out the light. The sunshine shining through the light clouds would usually be a welcoming sight to me, but not today. Today I'm not capable of enjoying anything, of being happy. I don't want to see happy things. Today I want to feel sad, I want to feel horrible about quite possibility throwing away the biggest opportunity of my life. Due to the fact that I am quite tired after being kept up by my crying most of the night, the darkness soon lulls me into a depressed sleep.

After what could only have been ten minutes of dozing at the most, my phone starts ringing wildly and snaps me out of my sleep with a jolt. "Rizzoli," I murmur sleepily into the phone as I stand up from the sofa and run my hand through my tousled hair. Frost quickly informs me that there has been a possible murder on SW Kane street. Sighing sadly at another life stolen, I answer in my usual manner, "I'm on my way now."

After hanging up, I quickly grab my keys and leave my apartment. This is probably the first time that I have wished that Maura not be the medical examiner at the crime scene. I don't know if I can face her today. Either she is as devastated as I am, or doesn't care. Either prospect is painful to think about and I try to push the thoughts of her out of my mind. This is no time to be weak, it's time to be strong now.

* * *

I arrive on the scene twenty minutes after receiving the phone call. Immediately scanning the cars around the premises for Maura's, I spot her prius parked under a tree across the street, causing my heart to leap in my chest. I can't tell if it's from excitement to see her, or from fear of what kind of exchange we will share. Inhaling sharply, I snap myself out of my thoughts and head into the plain tan house that is carefully lined with caution tape.

Snapping on some gloves, I walk into what must have been a dining room. There is a shattered glass cabinet laying on the floor, and there is a naked woman tied to a large oval wooden table with ropes. A lump forms in my throat, and I close my eyes for a moment, trying to swallow my emotion over the horror that faces me.

Maura is looking over the body, looking for any slight detail to help her form a cause of death. There is a massive amount of blood pooled all around the base of the table, and the body reflects it with it's grayish color. She must not have much blood left in her at all with the amount on the floor. Stepping up to the table, I notice the deep cuts running up the lengths of her forearms. Whoever did this to her must have liked the sight of blood, a lot of it at that. He cut her in a way that he would be able to see the blood, feel the blood but she would still not die for much time. Scanning her body I finally reach her neck, her jugular has been slit. I shake my head in disgust. The amount of sick people in this world amazes me, horrifies me. Who would do this to a young woman? She mustn't be much older than twenty.

I look up from the victim to meet Maura's gaze. The look in her eyes is much like mine must be. Sad, drained, hopeless. Tears threaten to spill over my eyes once again. I clear my throat and look away, attempting to keep my emotions inside. "What do you think, Maura?" I ask in a sad whisper as she bends down to examine the pool of blood. "I need to run some tests, but by the amount of blood loss displayed and the laceration to her neck, I would say that's the cause of death. Also, the lack of signs of resistance encourages me to believe she was sedated, but I hate to guess," She murmurs the last few words as she notices something in the sea of red. "It's a hair.." she states, as she uses tweezers to carefully pluck it out of the liquid. "Good, hopefully we'll get a hit from it," I say quietly, watching her as she carefully puts away the slide containing the hair and begins to pack her things and prepare to leave. I watch her, desperately willing myself to say something, anything, to no avail.

"I'll see you back at the department, Jane," she says in barely over a whisper, that is obviously laced with emotion. Picking up her bag, she proceeds to walk away. "Maura.." grabbing her arm gently I turn her to face me. She refuses to meet my gaze and suddenly finds interest in the boring tile covering the floor, "Are you okay?" I whisper, begging her silently to just look at me, show me that our friendship isn't ruined after all. "I'm fine, Jane. Just tired. You know what a lack of serotonin will do," She inhales sharply and brings herself to meet my eyes, I can see the sadness she is hiding behind her front of normality, and I cock my head questioningly at her. "Honestly, I'm fine," she says, grinning sadly before pulling away from me and disappearing through the door.

Shaking my head in exasperation, I try to force myself to push beautiful, sad, Maura, out of my mind and examine the crime scene. The image of her sad eyes is burned into my brain, and with all the pain that surrounds me I barely keep it together for the rest of the initial examination. All I want to do is run to her and hold her, tell her everything is going to be okay. I can't though, I closed that door.

* * *

Back at the station, Korsak, Frost, and I quickly find out who the victim is due to the plentiful evidence found in the house. Karla Orion is her name, 23 years old and just rented that house that she was brutally murdered in. Maura is examining the body more thoroughly down in the morgue, so I hear. I have been trying to keep my distance from her since this morning, I don't know if I can face those sad eyes without being able to comfort her. It's too painful. Drifting off into my own thoughts, Frost snaps me out of my trance, "Jane...Jane? Have you gone down and seen what Maura has found?" "No, I haven't.." I mutter, sighing before taking a sip of my now cold coffee. "Well...Why don't you?" He asks in a part confused and part teasing tone, "Yeah sure," I whisper reluctantly, before standing up and walking out of the room, trying to mentally prepare myself for those sad eyes.

* * *

Walking into the morgue, I see Maura standing over the sink washing her hands. "Hey," I say, trying to act as normal as possible. "Hello," She retaliates blankly before trying to walk past me to leave for her office. "Maura, don't walk away from me again, please," I plead, stepping in front of her path. She inhales tremulously and looks around awkwardly before finally finding my eyes with her own. We keep each other's gaze for what must be quite a long time, and I feel myself being lured closer and closer to her. Maura's breathing starts to come faster as we become closer by the second. She glances at my lips quickly before returning her gaze to my eyes. My heart leaps in my chest as I expect our impending kiss. Our lips are now merely an inch apart and I can feel her sweet breath on my face.

My emotions are all over the place at this point. I want to kiss her so badly, Hell I want to do a lot more than kiss her, but we have already determined that what we exchanged was 'just a kiss'. There is still a part of me that is terrified of this, of us, I hate to be vulnerable but at this moment that's all I want to be.

Giving up control, I move in so that our lips are almost grazing and Maura's torso is pressed up against my own. Suddenly, Maura's pager sounds off and we are simultaneously snapped out of our trance. I turn away from her and clear my throat nervously. Now I have to pretend that never happened, that we didn't almost reenact our 'just a kiss'. I silently scold myself for being so careless with my feelings, and Maura's. I can't keep teasing myself like this.

Maura informs me that the page was from Suzie, and that we got a hit on the DNA from the hair found in the pool of blood at the crime scene, it belongs to a man named Noah Lyleson. Thankfully, this gives me an excuse to go back up to homicide and not mention the exchange we almost shared. "I need to go tell the guys, I'll see you later, Maura," I say as I walk towards the glass doors, "See you later," Maura says with a slight smile. Pausing, I smile back at her awkwardly, before quickly running back upstairs to tell Frost and Korsak.

I barely have a chance to to tell the guys about the DNA hit on the hair, when my phone starts ringing. "Rizzoli," I answer in my usual gruff tone. The officer on the other line informs me there has been another possible murder. I gesture to the guys to get there things as I do the same. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

Soon, Maura, Korask, and I are standing outside of a tiny blue house in a seemingly peaceful neighborhood. Frost is staying back at the department all night to find where we can find this Noah Lyleson, but I have a feeling he is closer than we think. Once inside, we see a scene much like the one earlier today, but this time the young woman is tethered to her bed and her silky, previously white, sheets are covered in blood. Maura snaps on her gloves and proceeds to inspect the victim. She touches the bloodied bed linens and looks up at me in alarm, all personal matters pushed aside in this moment, "It's still warm," she states. Nodding my head at Korsak, he quickly calls to the officers down on the street to patrol the area, as the inside of the house has already been checked thoroughly.

We take the evidence that we need and the coroners come and take the body to be brought back to headquarters, Maura will do the autopsy tomorrow and hopefully we can catch Noah in the same day. He didn't leave any trace of himself this time, he's learning. That hair was a costly mistake, and he knows it.

Korsak says goodbye to Maura and I and heads home for a few precious hours of sleep before our investigation continues. Maura and I walk out of the little house, towards our cars in silence. "Two kills in one day, this guy sure doesn't have much self control," I murmur, opening the door to my car, but lingering outside it to talk to Maura. She doesn't say anything and we meet each other's gaze in a moment of silence, "About earlier.." I say nervously. "We don't have to talk about it, Jane, we're okay," she says giving me a reassuring look. "Are you sure?" "I'm sure, it's alright" Maura smiles at me. Even though I know it's fake, I smile back before we tell each other goodnight and get into our separate cars.

Staring blankly through my car window, watching Maura's disappear into the night, all I can think is that it's not alright. None of this is alright. What happened to those two young women, having their lives stolen from them, that's not alright. What is going on between Maura and I, that's not alright. It's not alright that we are playing this game when we both know full well that we want to be together, that we need to be together. This has to end, even if it means that I have to stop being afraid of vulnerability and opening myself up to someone, to stop being afraid of the unknown.

After sitting in my car and trying to talk myself into what I'm about to do for almost an hour, I realize I can't wait any longer. Time is precious and you never know when it will stop. With a new determination, and disregard of my previous fears and stupid insecurities, I turn the key in the ignition and start to drive the short distance to Maura's house. No more hiding, Jane.

* * *

Pulling in to Maura's driveway, I quickly get out of the car and walk to the door, riding on my moment of bravery. Taking a deep breath, I ring the doorbell. Once, twice, three times, no answer. I know Maura's here, her lights are on. Thinking she must be in the shower, I take the spare key she gave me and unlock the door, opening it slowly, "Maura?" I ask cautiously as I step into the foyer and shut the door behind me. "Jane.." I hear Maura call from the living room in a small, frightened voice. In alarm, I immediately run into the direction of her voice and my heart stops when I see what's facing me.

A tall, dark haired man, is standing next to her fireplace, his arm wrapped around Maura's neck and the other holding a knife to her throat. "Jane!" She manages to croak before the man tightens his hold and she starts to pull desperately at his arm, trying to get air. I can barely breathe and the world seems to be crashing down on me. The man's dark eyes pierce my own, and I cautiously start walking towards them, desperately wanting to just run to Maura and pull her from him. "Stay right where you are. Drop the gun," the man growls at me as he pulls the knife to Maura's neck so the shiny blade is pressing into her creamy skin. Maura gasps and tears start to run down her face, I let out a desperate cry. Quickly, I remove my gun from it's holster and drop it on the floor, kicking it across the room. "Okay...No gun. Please, just let her go," I plead. The man, chuckles sinisterly, and seeing the look on his face my stomach sinks. "Now what would be the fun in that?" He asks in a terrifyingly blank tone, no feeling to his voice, or to his face. He is glazed over. Before I know what's going on, he pulls Maura violently around and crashes her head into the fire place. She is immediately knocked unconscious and falls into a limp heap on the floor.

"No! Maura!" I scream. Forgetting all about my own safety and police training, I run to Maura. Before I can reach her body, the man grabs my arm and pulls me into him aggressively. The knife he is still holding digs into my stomach as he pulls me closer and I feel the warmth of my own blood trickling down my body. I do everything possible to free myself, but his strength is too much. Whispering into my ear with his sickly unfeeling voice he says, "I warned you to stay put." Then I am being hurtled towards the fireplace and my head hits the stone with a sickly crack. Darkness.

* * *

My head is throbbing when my eyelids finally flutter open. Blinking through the confusion, I take in my surroundings. Within moments, I remember what circumstances put me into this state. "Maura," I manage to croak out in a raspy voice, desperately trying to move only to realize that I can't. Duct tape is wrapped around my legs and ropes are restraining my hands behind Maura's bed post. "Jane..." I hear Maura murmur. Whipping my head around I see that Maura is tied to the bed post opposite of me, her head rolled weakly to one side. All I can see is the back of her, nothing else. "Maura...Are you alright?" I whisper through thick emotion. "Mmm I don't know," She groans, and I notice the blood that has dried on her blonde hair. "You're bleeding.." "I know. I have a laceration on my scalp with average bleeding and a possible intracranial hematoma," She moans tiredly. Seeing Maura like this, fading away, is to much for me to bear. "Stay with me, Maur!" I growl through gritted teeth as I start to fight the restraints with determination. "Are you okay?" Maura asks barely audibly, "Yes I'm alright," I lie, trying to keep her calm.

The ropes tear at my skin as I fight against them, tears start to spill over my eyes as I fight to free myself and therefore free Maura. Soon realizing that in my weakened state that I am no match for the ropes that bind me, I settle back down limply and let myself be overcome by sobs. "Jane?" Maura asks in sharp alarm. I try to answer her but the fear and sadness chokes me and I can't bring myself to form the words. "Shhhh...We are going to be alright," Maura lies to try and sooth me through her thick voice, trying to keep from crying herself. Inhaling sharply, I attempt to quiet my crying. "I know.." I manage to choke out. As soon as those words leave my lips, the man that I have learned to be terrified of walks into the room.

"Do you mind keeping it quiet, ladies?" He asks, using the same emotionless tone as earlier, he turns to place a couple bottles and syringes onto Maura's dresser. My fear and sadness is quickly replaced by rage. Rage for hurting Maura like he has, hurting the woman I love. "You bastard," I growl, once again fighting the restraints with more intensity this time. The man freezes from what he is doing, and mechanically turns and walks towards me. Crouching down in front of me, I can feel his disgusting breath on my face. "No one talks to me like that, no one talks to Noah like that. Especially not a bitch like you." He murmurs through his teeth. Hearing that name makes my stomach sink even more. This man, who has beaten Maura and I and tied us to this bed, is the man that slits women open just to see the blood flow.

I swallow the lump in my throat formed by realizing what fate faces Maura and I tonight, and before I have a chance to think, I lean my head a little closer to Noah's, and I spit at his disgusting pale face. He doesn't even flinch, just watches me, holds my gaze. His eyes are now black with anger and despite my fear of what is to come next, I never tear my eyes away. Winding back, Noah smacks me across the face hard enough for me to lose my vision for a few moments. "Stop it! Just stop it!" Maura cries out, thrashing against her restraints now.

A single tear trickles down my stinging cheek, dropping onto my chest. I watch it slowly flow down my skin, disappearing into my clothing. My blood is going to flow, Maura's blood is going to flow, except unlike the tear it won't flow peacefully. It will pulsate out of us until we are lifeless shells and have been stolen of our hopes and dreams. Our blood is going to flow, out of us forever, and we will die with a hanging lie between us.

Maura starts to sob as Noah stands up and routinely returns to what I now realize must be the drugs he is going to administer to sedate us. "Maura...Shhhh please don't cry," I beg. Her sobs come a little slower and I take a deep breath before continuing on with what I'm going to say. What I have to say, what I am no longer afraid to say. She has to know, "It was not just a kiss," I blurt out, and the silence that follows is almost deafening. Noah inserts a syringe into one of the bottles and withdraws some of the liquid, totally ignoring Maura and I and the words being exchanged. "What?" Maura whispers, her voice cracking. "It was not just a kiss for me. I lied when I said it meant nothing, it meant everything. You mean everything to me, I love you, Maura," My voice breaking as I finish speaking, silent tears start to flow out of my eyes.

Silence surrounds me for what seems like an eternity before Maura whispers, "I love you too, Jane." Those words settle into my brain, my heart, every part of my being, and despite our situation, a sad smile comes across my face. "So much...I love you so much," Maura manages to choke out through new tears. Noah is now walking towards me, syringe in hand, donning the same sickly expression. My face falls and my breath catches in my chest, this is it, it's happening.

"You are my world, Maura. I love you," I mutter as Noah places his hand on my shoulder and lowers himself down, the syringe angling towards my neck, ready to puncture my skin. Shutting my eyes tightly, squeezing a couple tears out of them as I do so, I turn away from Noah. From his face, from his smell, from his touch, I want none of it. He leans in closer to me, and I hear Maura's cries become louder as she realizes what is about to happen, "Say goodbye to your little girlfriend," he hisses into my ear. The needle pierces my skin and the sedative is pushed through the contraption into my body. My body goes heavy and everything seems to go in slow motion. My head falls to the side as the substance flowing through my veins pulls me down. My eyes fluttering closed, the last words I manage to hear through my dimmed surroundings are, "It was not just a kiss, not just a kiss, Jane," and again, everything slows to a stop and I am engulfed by darkness.

* * *

_**AN: Sorry it took me so long to post this! I'll try to do better about updating quicker. Please R&R as I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. :)**_


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